Sunday, 6 October 2019

American Sitcom

'What is Sister, Sister.' 

As I put on my Vaseline while looking out the window - to my surprise and frustration I thought - imagine if the roof just caved in, on you. Right now, this moment. Finished.   

My sisters are the most precious things to me in this world, the greatest team I have belonged to. I would move mountains and kill beasts with my bare hands to honour them.  

Since all this has been going down the one person I feel I am constantly letting down is my sister, she is the most wonderful person to grace this world and I am not saying this because she is my sister.  

I have spent numerous nights hoping and wishing my illness does not have an impact on her. I have spent many hours praying she never understands what I am going through.  

On my darkest bleakest days she is the silver lining. I don't think she will ever understand what she gave me when I had nothing to give to myself.




Wednesday, 2 October 2019

Music

Fills in the emptiness 

Ancestors live in the gaps between the spaces of your favourite hymn

Let the beat move you in ways you are unaware your body needs to move

Free your mind as you move your body to that drum beat. 




Sunday, 29 September 2019

Do your forefather's demons chase you?

Father's love was a blueprint, 

I yearn to surround myself with love 


I want my surroundings to fuel me.  

I know that all I need is within me.  

Love void of conditions feels like freedom.

My love self love is sufficient.

No tree grew tall by itself.  

Wednesday, 25 September 2019

Tiffany Gouche

At first I thought 'garddamn if this isn't a bitter song I don't know what could be.'


Then I revelled in the honesty and vulnerability of the song the longer it played.


'Baby I hope someone breaks your heart 

So you know what it feels to be a victim'  

In moments of hurt its very easy to wish ill on whomever wronged you.  


When Tiffany sings  


'Broken hearted, torn apart and I don’t know if I am gonna make it'  

You feel the hurt and despair.  

Tiffany has a wonderful way of letting her true emotions seep in between the words, momentary you feel her pain, anger and disappointment.

This is someone who needs to express these emotions. 


I am really learning the importance of being careful with what is vocalised; but in the same vain, the importance of being true to oneself. I am learning that in order to heal one must acknowledge  pain quite honestly. One must find a way in which to express this pain, sometimes the path to exploring and acknowledging pain is more violent but the healing always comes.


This is the kind of song one writes immediately after finding out their matey has fucked up.



Maybe my opinion on this may change in time, but if Juliet has upset you, let Juliet know she has upset you and why she has upset you. This for me has meant that I am more aware when I transfer pain from the source to a civilian. 



Tiffany, what a fucking babe. 

P.s - However I am also learning that sometimes even telling Juliet is a waste of energy, sometimes just let it go. Acknowledge Juliet is a cunt and let it go, unless you really have to tell her. But you have to decide when to tell her and when to roll your eyes.  



Sunday, 22 September 2019

Zambia; Christian Nation

Zambia "the real Africa", a country defined by its 8 hour load shedding and its 7 days no water in Chilenje, by its ever expanding wealth gap between the haves and have nots, with the haves seemingly unaware or indifferent to the desperation of the have nots.
Where do desperate people turn to in a country where politicians are not in politics because they care for everyday man, but rather because they see it as a way to wealth? 

The number of churches in Zambia had me floored, for every 1km is a church or a faith based school; as if the number of churches on the ground is what characterises a Christian nation and differentiates it from more secular nations.  

Of these churches and church like organisations it's hard to not question what role the church plays in society; is it the church's duty to denounce the corruption and the ills inflicted on the Zambian people, or has the suffering of the people been ordained by God? Does a Christian nation have to live up to Christ like characteristics, of humility, compassion and honesty? 

The interesting thing is the obsession of the morals of others while neglecting one's own morals and those of the politicians, whose moral compasses or lack thereof affect daily lives much more closely than Mulenga, her ripped jeans and crop top. 

How corrupt leaders are happy to drive their lavish cars and live in their mansions - often unaffected by the lack of water and electricity, is a symptom of a lack of humanity. Lungu who had previously asked the church to 'Christianise the nation’s politics' is heading a nation free from any spirituality let alone any Christian under tones.  

At what point should we actively reject the fallacy of the 'Christian nation' and when will those in power be held accountable for the state of our beloved country?



Wednesday, 7 August 2019

B-L-A-C-K


Beautiful was never spelled B-l-a-c-k
Neither were you 

Tall dark and handsome was never Idris
It was Jack 


Stronger Hair Stronger You 
Was hair that didn’t look like yours

Relax your hair and set it free 
Was yours


The stars are brightest at night 
You are beautiful 

You are timeless

Afro, braids, weaves twists 
You are limitless

You are perfection
You are ethereal
Except by your permission can you comprehended. 

Sunday, 4 August 2019

Hair today Gone tomorrow


Before the arrival of the coloniser African hair was the pride and joy of the land. Hair styles indicated among other things age, marital status, wealth and even if one was in a state of mourning. 
In the then matriarchy societies grandmas taught their daughters and granddaughters the skills of hair dressing, this was the time that deep and meaningful connections were created between women. 

The arrival of the kidnapped Africans during chattel slavery sparked the fascination of black hair from Europeans. This fascination led to human zoos across Europe and in New York in which indigenous people where exhibited in faux villages. When slaves head were shaved more than just hair was lost; with every snip history, culture and identity discarded.

Black people across the world are penalised and reduced to the hair on their heads, reductive and ridiculous at their best. The history behind black hair is one of power and resilience,  celebrated by simply wearing it. 

In 1700s Louisiana black women popularised elaborate beautifully coloured headdresses as a reaction to the Tignon law; a law put in place “to return the free women of colour, visibly and symbolically, to the subordinate and inferior status associated with slavery,” . The beautifully adorned headwraps where a form of resilience. 

During the 1960s young female dancers and jazz artists began to wear afros as a symbol of racial pride, a show of solidarity for the civil rights movement and at the peak of the hairstyles it was worn by both men and women and was the embodiment of black beauty, a defiant stand against racial injustice. As its popularity grew its association to the black political movement lessened.
“They shall not make baldness on their head, neither shall they shave off the corner of their beard, nor make any cuttings in their flesh.” Leviticus 21:5. Rastafarians do not shave their, overtime their hair natural forms locs, a source of spiritual strength. Bob Marley popularised this hairstyle in mainstream society, musical legends such as Lil Wayne and T- Pain - at his peak - have continued to sport this look.

These styles of have carried on today as black people continue to reimagine and create culture and history with our hair. no matter how you choose to wear your remember the wise words of India Arie.

Hey (hey)
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations, no (hey)
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am the soul that lives within

And wear your crown with proud.

When I think of my hair I think of a journey to self discovery, I had my first relaxer as a child as most of us did. I remember the salons each dependent on proximity and where some in dimly light hospital basements, others in salons with mean ladies with longs nails who would scrap the relaxer from tender scalps leaving blisters, each visit supposedly to make it easier for our parents and the school run. As I got older the relaxers turned into braids which meant hours sat in one spot in-between the legs of some aunty who hits you with her comb each time your head is ever slightly out of position. 
When we moved to England I remember wanting a weave, something to make me blend in with the girls in school, then came year 9. We had travelled to Peckham and I picked a style I saw in a magazine,  it had a braid band across it to mimic pushed back slik hair. The reality of this was I had no idea how to look after this hair, before I knew it the hair resembled straw; lifeless and dry, this isn't how it was meant to be I assumed it would be as easy as pie but I was determined to learn. This was the beginning of the weave life. Throughout college I travelled frequently to Peckham to get my hair done, it was at this time I noticed that men reacted differently to me when I had natural hair I was invisible, unseen to the world. With my hair done I was seen men approached me left right and centre, this confirmed to me a place in this world and beauty where only achievable with proximity to whiteness. 
In University I couldn't afford weaves as much I would have loved and so would relax my hair twice a month with colour each time, coils did not belong in my hair it was unsightly. My hair once full of life began to thin. I made the decision to cut my hair, what I thought was going to be just a hair cut became a re learning of my natural hair, I began trying out new things with my hair and began looking at it at beautiful in its natural form. 
Re learning to love something you have been taught to alter or see as inadequate is not an easy ride its full of ups and downs.
I stopped wearing weaves for a while, i made it my mission to only wear them once I had really learned to love my hair in all its forms, when it was big mighty and when it was 3/4 its size at first contact with moisture.