Do your forefather's demons chase you?

Father's love was a blueprint, 

I yearn to surround myself with love 

I want my surroundings to fuel me.  

I know that all I need is within me.  

Love void of conditions feels like freedom.

My love self love is sufficient.

No tree grew tall by itself.  

insomnia

The quiet of night is when they rear their ugly heads,
Their whispers seem to be louder more boisterous,

Their eyes burn into me,

They become actors and re-enact all my nightmares, vivid HD 

I am glued to the front roll, I can't stop watching

They won't let me stop watching

I wake up 

Look around still in my room, still in my bed, 

Like a concerned parent they stay up with me comfort me 

Get me comfortable again,

Then the movie starts up again this time they make it darker,

more sinister, 

This time I say a prayer, the only difference is I don't remember the dream 

I simply remember the emotion, left on me like the stench of an old lover,

Clinging onto me.

Once confined to nightmares,

Then night time

Then they could no longer be confined.

-Mal
'5k to Couch'

Tip Toeing into cyberspace

Honestly this is like my 15th blog, not because I am not an interesting person, or whatnot (Trust me I am freaking interesting its insane), but because I am a perfectionist, I desire perfection so much so that if there is one single signal that what I want to create does not look nor feel the way I imagined it my desire to create it dissolves into thin air...like a fart. '

SO what is different this time' she asks herself. I came across Wabi Sabi, its not like you want to say wasabi so don't even bother.

Wabi Sabi is a Japanese aesthetic that finds beauty in imperfection. It revers authenticity over everything else and in our western or western influenced communities and or societies, that is not something that is necessary admired, everything must be clean cut must be perfect, we have 'GOALS' that everyone has to hit. This has created a world that to me feels very constructed and insincere, every moment is created to be showcased.

But now with Wabi Sabi in my life, I don't want to be a part of the cogs of society, well I still have to be a cog in the employment sector but that is not the point. My understanding of Wabi Sabi is that there is beauty in imperfection (Lizards are adorable, those ugly looking dogs are so ugly they look cute you know them pug things?, the way the sun attempts to shine through the heavy dank December cloud all these and many more not immediately aesthetically pleasing things are what make life worth living, without them we wouldn't appreciate the aesthetically pleasing beauty around us.

Wabi Sabi is my attempt to escape the commercialisation of everyday life, it doesn't require me to buy anything new it doesn't require me to have the newest and the best, but rather appreciating the character of what I have already, both mentally and otherwise (I am not applying this to EVERYTHING so if you see me with new shit nod and move on). Since discovering Wabi Sabi I have to come to see just how conditioned we are to buy and to look at what the next person has and to try and over do them, its a subconscious thing so don't say not me you liar.

THIS wasn't meant to be Wabi Sabi 101.

The purpose of blog numero 15 is to leave a digital footprint, a digital legacy and plus if reincarnation is real Gersh Grooves might just stumble upon this and be like YO! PLUS I have always wanted to digitise my diary so why not put it on a public platform? Plus Imale in like 5 months needs to know what kind of delusions Imale of now has.

 -Mal
 P.s Proofreading is Long. And its like 3oclock and WABI SABI to all my errors

 '5k to Couch'