Why do people smile when no one's smiling?

The first time their eyes met, a tingle went down his spine, he only felt this when he really felt a song; this intrigued him and he smiled at her. She had butterflies; for the first time she was speech and thoughtless, lost in a present moment. They both felt a spark and he approached her.

The first time they kissed everything stood still, they were the only people in the room, in the world, on earth. The first time they made love proverbial fireworks exploded, it was as though a firework factory had gone up in flames. It was beautifully chaotic, destructive and loud. Nothing but them made sense in that moment as they simultaneously climaxed into each other. This was the last first time for both of them, their lives were just going to begin forever.

If you have consumed any amount of media you have encountered this story and numerous variations of it, you have gushed over it and secretly hoped it will work out like this for you eventually. If you have watched any Disney films, listened to 90s RnB, you not only feel like you are entitled to these moments and that you know them like you know the back of your hand. And for a lot of people this is exactly how their idea of love plays out in their minds and maybe even in reality, but unbeknownst to them the cues they have for love have been heavily influenced and shaped by the media. So before you think that the media has played no part of it, its only very recently people used to get married based on their parent’s coupling it was all on purpose for a purpose. In fact some cultures have kept this but because of globalisation, romanticism is flourishing everywhere and people who still practice arranged marriages are regarded as quite peculiar.

Romanticism as an ideology has a lot of flaws, like most things but we do an excellent job at overlooking the shortcomings that are presented, for no other reason than reason does not exist in a romantic setting. Things just happen for the sake of happening, because LOVE.
 We spend an awful lot of time searching for The One™ the one who is our soulmate, one crafted with us in mind. The One™ whose soul and our soul will effortlessly find each other and converge seamlessly; they will get us and accept us flaws and all and us them, those mind warping moments of loneliness will simply melt away once our souls become one.

Why do people smile when no one's smiling?

Its cause their thinking of someone they're loving

Keep on believing we are meant to be and

Nothing's stopping you and me from going to heaven

Sweetest love 

Even the music doesn't exempt us from the influence of romanticism. From the moment you know that your partner or a stranger is The One™ they tell you its easy sailing because the assumption is that the other person feels the same as you do. Music is the universal language so when the instrumental gives you tingles, then Alicia Keys is singing in your ears about love, you start to listen to the music with an anticipatory, almost celebratory ear for when you find the love that she is singing about. Then we start to look for the person who will give us that same feeling as the music, we even expect to feel that feel on sight, without having spoke to that person we just want to look up see the first person get the tingles and BAM thats The One™. We are to trust our instincts with matters of the heart, they would never let us down because well instinct, and this experience is supposedly intrinsic to the human condition.
 

Then the sex, toe curling, neighbours knocking, bed breaking, profanity screaming, eyes rolling back, you get the idea. Sex with The One™ is life changing, it affirms everything about life as spoken by the elders of your religion. The sex you have with The One™ would never disappoint because both of you want nothing but the other’s pleasure, they wouldn't be disgusted by your weird kinky desires because sexually you are both compatible,in your kinks. When yo find The One™ infidelity would not happen, because of mutual respect and open communication.
The realities of sex with The One™ or anyone for that matter is that our fear of being shamed by our sexual partners for our sexual desire means that instead of being true to our sexual selves we lie and conceal to appear appealing to our partners not knowing that they too are lying and concealing their desires for the fear of disgust and rejection from you. If sexual communication among couples was encouraged you would find out that both you and The One™ were both into Kinbaku but because you don't communicate you will never know for sure. 

All this sounds all well and negative but theory doesn't always translate well in reality, but sometimes its so beautifully done that you have to take a breath and savour every moment. In my line of work I have been fortunate enough to meet all sorts of people and have listened to all sorts of love stories. I met 'Raj', he was a man in his mid 30s he didn't believe in marriage and or love after the breakdown of a relationship years back. His friends and family would always pester him to get settle down and he would always rubbish them, then his friend introduced him to his sister in law, Raj and the girl eventually fell in love in and Raj couldn't see himself without her in his life. Only that they had only talked for a week, she lived in India and he lived in Hampshire, they barely spoke the same language and well he had never met her, but the way he spoke so highly of her and how she had changed his perceptive on things other than just love. Then on the flip of that I met couples who met in their teenage years and have grown together for years, they bicker and fight but they have foundations that run deeper than just love.

This whole thing of aspiring to one model of love is detrimental to the survival of love, we live in a time when even the ideology of romanticism has been bastardised. People are praised for having side chicks and for lying and cheating and spreading venereal diseases to their unsuspecting partners. If dialogue was opened up about relationships, expectations while in relationships less people would be in situations where they despise the whole idea of love and become hard shelled individuals afraid of having real connections and conversations with others. 

Monogamy isn't for everyone and neither is polygamy, however the best thing is communication and being honest not just with yourself but also your partners.What will work for you may not work for someone else, so when you settle in a relationship you have to do it for the right reasons.

-Mal
'5K to Couch'

P.s When you are rebelling against the establishment, when you envision The One™ and they are this hero type of dude capable of saving you from all your woes, when you are walking in nature and you think that its the most romantic thing, when you look at the sunset and think wow wow wow love, when you get mad that your matey forgot valentine's day or steak and blow job day, just remember none of that was an individual or original reaction or thought. All the media and society you have consumed has ensured that thats how you will feel and think about things of the heart. 

P.s.s When you like someone next take a step back and see why you like them. What you might find will interest you. 

Are you a Friend; and for how long?

Noz you the OG.

My mum has a VERY VERY tight circle of friends that have successfully transcended the friend zone. So these people have known each other for 25+ years.

Fast forward to 25 years later. These women are still very much in each other's lives and its awesome. I will try and articulate what I am trying to say as simply as I possibly can...but essentially what I am trying to say is that I don't think friendships of now have the staying power of relationships of then. Call me a sceptic but I will hopefully breakdown why I think friendships of now don't have staying power, I will use fictitious hypothetical examples to try and drive my points. I might at the end of this just change my mind completely in regards to the lasting power of friendships of today. And on that note I must continue. I am gonna do this in stages coz otherwise it will turn in to a book on the dynamic and economic structures of friendships.

LoyaltyJust to illustrate how important loyalty is,  DJ Khaled handsomely rewards the woman I am going to assume is his significant other in the 'Hold you down' music video. He gives her enough money to

'Go buy your momma a house.

Go buy your whole family houses.

Put this money in your savings account.

Go spend some money for no reason.

Come back and ask for more'.

All this is because she is apparently smart loyal and grateful, I am not trying to say a DJ Khaled type figure will reward you each time you tick the smart loyal and grateful boxes of friendship, but I think this is a great visual and lyrical metaphor on the rewards of being loyal in friendship. I am going to argue that you can't have relationship like the one implied between Khaled and his lady friend without being friends first, I also appreciate that the relationship looks like a sugar daddy and his sugar baby but that isn't what I am taking about.
Khaled rewards this girl because there is a lack of loyalty in the way people function; so to display something as simple as loyalty you do become rewarded not always monetary. People form social bonds with people they think can provide them a social ladder, sometimes to climb up that ladder it requires you to display disloyal behaviour to people you may have once called your friends.

Some may argue that that is not necessary the case, but this is the rule and not the exception
Say you have two groups of friends there is U and group one who have been with you for a while, especially when compared to group two. At one point or the other, U will want group one and group two to meet and for a while things will go smoothly but will not progress and we all know that progression is necessary or death occurs.
Bear with me a second. In the beginning there will be equal balance between U, group one and group two. (Equilibrium)
Then an event will occur to shake things up...Everyone involved will be fully aware of this disturbance.
Then all groups will try and come an understanding and attempt to fix this disturbance.

Then finally a solution.

This solution will not result in the equilibrium that was initially established  and this is how progression of relationships work. Can I just say that this has made me realise that friendships and relationships are not linear its all a vicious circle. BUT I DIGRESS AWESOMELY!

-Mal
'5k to Couch'
Ps-This is me trying to understand the dynamic of friendships. Also friendships are pretty predictable, not timely but by the actions and reactions of people in friendship groups.