Desire

Where are you when I need you most? 

Blaming the Panasonic for a lack of desire feels like the easy option, conversations with friends have ranged from longing to yearned for, to the desire of our essence to be the ethanol intoxicating another and theirs doing the same for us, to be consumed greedily with a teaspoon. Ecstasy leading to a blinding climax. 

Fear of sleeping in front of the mirror brought me face to face *ba dum tss* with the realisation that the inability to face the entirety of me cut me off from the ability to see, accept, acknowledge and embrace the parts shroud in darkness. The parts that don't have names just characteristics described by words that conjure chills, fears and led us to cower or frantically seek the nearest light source. Afraid of what they will do if they get a hold of us. 

If all we need is inside us, how do we find the things we seek if we don't know what they look nor feel like? 

I am learning to lean into the safety deeply found in being, evidenced by experiencing the here and now. In this life, there is very little we have to fear -spiders are a legit thing to fear their legs sprang out 360 and their long, round or oval little bodies barely touching the floor moving at 600mph it is very very legit to fear them- got a little distracted there. 

It feels easier to close the lid on what we fear, demeaning these parts unworthy of exploration and tenderness. What do we lose when it's parts of ourselves we put away?  

We can put it all down to the Pangea and that would be legit, what and how we got validation, reassurance and love has changed and even from whom we get this from also has changed. 

Affirm; In this body in this space that is mine, I embrace the nakedness of my being. With curiosity, love and patience I explore the valleys that conceal sacred waters and rolling hills.  

Tension

We are so accustomed to resistance, we think we need some level of it to increase the intensity of joy, we tense our bodies thinking rigidity will ground us into the moment instead of embracing the fluidity our joints afford us.  

The false security of routine means we don't realise how much awe we miss out on, when mundanity takes us so far out of our bodies we don't realise how detached we are from sensation and the need to discover new different ways of experiencing.  

Are there little subtle ways you might be holding tension, that you are not even aware of?  

Top yourself

A bright warm day engulfed by a heavy grey cloud that promises a downpour any minute now.  

The coals on the braai red, raw and angry you hear the sizzle of the marinated meat touch the hot grill. Your favourite part is the fat starting to bubble and shrink not long till the rest of the meat starts to brown.  

The lively summer soundtrack backed by belly laughs, crying babies, fed up yet relieved parents, debaters ready to fight to the death for their argument all amplified by the undeniable presence of love, the kind that comes loaded yet rooted in something akin to truth. 

You live for bursting the pockets of oil that form on boerewors as they cook, you grab the tong, it's warmer than you anticipated. The surprising warmth dulls everything around you and now its you, the tong and the red hot coals. 

Your head fills with the various ways this scenario can kill you, flashes of the tong stabbing you and the hot coals burning your body before someone's question about the state of meat brings you back to the present. 

When you think of strength and strong people, include yourself, your battles are valid, your wins to be celebrated. 

Cupture

I find myself embedded in each image, behind each cheeky smirk, knowing laugh, distant stare, in between speaking, in the listening, in each of solidarity, behind each voyeuristic gaze.

Something about catching a glimpse of one's inner state had drawn me to cameras they were a telescope, a confidant. A trusting has developed into an attempt in capturing the magic beheld in each of us, the magic we are so unaware of.

My relationship with cameras is ever-evolving, there are the highs and lows of complex relationships. The times when I want for nothing but to put the camera down and walk away and the times in which it is through the camera that I understand what is around me.

I have always been interested in pictures and their stories, who tells whose stories, do they look at you as their competition, contemporary or something less than? I want to encapsulate the beauty of your magic so others can experience you even for just a moment. 

MalCuptures is an attempt at capturing and sharing truth, love and stillness.

Memory is fickle, pictures eternal, they allow us to revisit, states of being, people, places and joy.