Curse of the EX

'My ex and I' 'Me and my ex' 'My ex used to' 'my ex my ex my ex my ex ex ex x x x'

I first came into conscious awareness of 'My Ex' a few years ago, it started off as a seemingly innocent mention of this entity; it related to the topic. Then as the conversation went on 'My Ex' seemed to have taken over the whole phone call, as I rolled my eyes I was told of how 'MY Ex' did things, it made me wonder just how often people mention 'My Ex' and if it was a conscious decision; and why they went out of their way to distance themselves from the actual person. I had heard my friends talk of 'my ex' I had heard people on the bus, people at uni, everyone seemed to have a 'My Ex' story they had to tell.

So while in a foreign city myself the effects of 'My Ex' came into full force when I couldn't have my favourite ice cream because 'My Ex" frequented the ice cream bar the ice cream I wanted was sold in. Pissed and still hungry I settled for McDonald's, after all I didn't want 'My Ex' to get the wrong idea; we were friends and apparently 'My Ex' was irrational wouldn't understand two people couldn't just be friends. AND it was a big ass city its not like 'My Ex' lived in the ice cream bar. This was the defining moment for my hate, how can this heffa stand in the way of my ice cream, for some idiot I wasn't even seeing. (Sorry idiot but you were probably; still are an idiot).

It was at this point I had realised, I couldn't be friends with someone who had the curse of the ex. Till I realised EVERYBODY and their Garddamn mamma had 'My Ex'

The point of this is that you lot need to stop talking about 'My Ex', say their name it might just make you all tad more interesting. One guy has a whole blog dedicated to his world 'My Ex'. I know that everyone moves on at different paces but even from friends that shit is shit to listen to. This forced distance created between you and your ex makes it appear as though you wish for your ex to be still in your life, not that there is anything wrong with it, but you sound like the people on Facebook that Facebook everything their kids do. Sometimes just enjoy the moments you had shared and don't objectify this person whose company you clearly enjoyed or loathed, and turn them into some autonomous figure. And don't let them become a curse, taking centre stage of your identity and your stories.

P.S- Sometimes its okay to talk about 'My ex' Just please don't be excessive with it, it makes everyone wonder what went wrong and if it was because of 'My Ex'.
-Mal
'5k to Couch'

Are you a Friend; and for how long?

Noz you the OG.

My mum has a VERY VERY tight circle of friends that have successfully transcended the friend zone. So these people have known each other for 25+ years.

Fast forward to 25 years later. These women are still very much in each other's lives and its awesome. I will try and articulate what I am trying to say as simply as I possibly can...but essentially what I am trying to say is that I don't think friendships of now have the staying power of relationships of then. Call me a sceptic but I will hopefully breakdown why I think friendships of now don't have staying power, I will use fictitious hypothetical examples to try and drive my points. I might at the end of this just change my mind completely in regards to the lasting power of friendships of today. And on that note I must continue. I am gonna do this in stages coz otherwise it will turn in to a book on the dynamic and economic structures of friendships.

LoyaltyJust to illustrate how important loyalty is,  DJ Khaled handsomely rewards the woman I am going to assume is his significant other in the 'Hold you down' music video. He gives her enough money to

'Go buy your momma a house.

Go buy your whole family houses.

Put this money in your savings account.

Go spend some money for no reason.

Come back and ask for more'.

All this is because she is apparently smart loyal and grateful, I am not trying to say a DJ Khaled type figure will reward you each time you tick the smart loyal and grateful boxes of friendship, but I think this is a great visual and lyrical metaphor on the rewards of being loyal in friendship. I am going to argue that you can't have relationship like the one implied between Khaled and his lady friend without being friends first, I also appreciate that the relationship looks like a sugar daddy and his sugar baby but that isn't what I am taking about.
Khaled rewards this girl because there is a lack of loyalty in the way people function; so to display something as simple as loyalty you do become rewarded not always monetary. People form social bonds with people they think can provide them a social ladder, sometimes to climb up that ladder it requires you to display disloyal behaviour to people you may have once called your friends.

Some may argue that that is not necessary the case, but this is the rule and not the exception
Say you have two groups of friends there is U and group one who have been with you for a while, especially when compared to group two. At one point or the other, U will want group one and group two to meet and for a while things will go smoothly but will not progress and we all know that progression is necessary or death occurs.
Bear with me a second. In the beginning there will be equal balance between U, group one and group two. (Equilibrium)
Then an event will occur to shake things up...Everyone involved will be fully aware of this disturbance.
Then all groups will try and come an understanding and attempt to fix this disturbance.

Then finally a solution.

This solution will not result in the equilibrium that was initially established  and this is how progression of relationships work. Can I just say that this has made me realise that friendships and relationships are not linear its all a vicious circle. BUT I DIGRESS AWESOMELY!

-Mal
'5k to Couch'
Ps-This is me trying to understand the dynamic of friendships. Also friendships are pretty predictable, not timely but by the actions and reactions of people in friendship groups.