Akimbo

 As I walk back home eternal sunshine begins to play, I am in my feels as I feel Jhene Aiko pull from my heart, sentiments felt but unable  to articulate. 

I don't know anything at all and it is beautiful. Each fall into the abyss eventually landing akimbo. God knows I didn't do it alone but fuck I am that bitch.  

 

I will acknowledge my own greatness before someone else does, it will stand on its own without needing validation from those not brave enough to walk a mile in my shoes but loud and wrong enough to try and describe my journey to you. 

I will tell you what I am without succumbing to the pressure of being in your suffocating box. 

Projections

At what point should you question the validity of what you are thinking? 

Projections aren’t static, its easier to project onto someone than it is not to, sometimes we don’t even realise we are projecting. It

I had initially been thinking about projections and the role they play when building relationships with others, what are we projecting and how much of that projection is clouding the reality of the other and denying them the space to exist as them and instead of squeezing them in a small box we have conveniently marked with the role this person must play in our life. 

I thought about how projections work in already established relationships and what role they play in maintaining these relationships? Because if you start with projecting what it is you want to see and how you want to see it, what happens when the reality is no longer deniable? Whatever coping strategy picked will at some point no longer work once the boiling has reached. 

It is easy for the want to cloud our judgement to get lost within it, it is often much louder than reality and this dissonance causes pain. 

I am empathetic. I am patient with others and self because our being is born out of learning, we are here to learn and things won’t always just make sense. It is in the spaces where the opportunity to apply what we learnt through reflection, introspection and prayer where growth happens. 

It is in these spaces where we learn that intentionality should be applied.

Slow down and see people for what or whom they are and go to where you are seen and valued, that what you want from relationships is out there and you don’t have to settle for the crumbs in projections. 

This applies to all relationships out there, familial, platonic, romantic and whatever other kinds of relationship type yall are developing.

A mothersucking update.

Tehehe oi oi oi okay so this here projections really helps me know and understand when it shows up in others, EGO is strong in projections when we do not choose to acknowledge our part in and take accountability for how we act either in reaction to or response to what we think we know. I am learning further the role of humility and communication to projections and how silly projections when they play out.

Defensive mechanisms do more harm than good in the long run, they alienate us and imply intrinsic victimhood on us and because lies are drenched the sickly nectar of deceit that truth can't always compete. 

That's why it is really important to know yourself deeply, your actions and your intentions and motivations. No one can come and spew their wayward shit.

So much of projections is insecurities that blind us into thinking we are the main stars in other people's lives, this kind of living is a bit dead. 

Death

 We tiptoe the line of life and death in an intricate and delicate dance daily, it happens all around us and inside us. We mourn the loss selfishly, the grief heavy as we move through the process of healing that which we have lost. When is the right time to celebrate what we had, what could come and the grace period for ourselves? 

A king lay died at the foot of the grim reapers’ horse, a young child extends her arm to offer him a single rose, her other arm reaches for the woman who looks away in defeat, as an older woman pleads with the grim reaper. Coming over the horizon on the other side of the river is the light of the sun as it passes through two columns. 

Death is funny, grief is real very VERY real.

It is far too easy to be fixated on what death takes from us than to imagine new with what we are left with. Familiarity acts like a safety blanket but is a net that stops us from exploring and moving forward positively. 

There is so much opportunity in the end that to fear it is to fear living and life. Once you are done with the mourning there is joy coming. 

Resistance to change is futile, death is an opportunity to let go of that which no longer supports us and welcome that which is nourishing. Embracing transformation allows for participation during this transformative state. Cut out excess and let go of what is unnecessary, clear what is old, stagnant and getting in your way.

I honour Spirit and know that anything is possible. 

I let God have a more active presence in my life and I know that my life is divinely guided, I surrender to this truth. 

I  know I am loved, guided and protected by a higher source. 

I am open to seeking guidance in spiritual quests. 

Listen to Santigold Master of My Make-Believe. 

Crystal -  Uvarovite Garnet a very transformative stone that pushes one to constantly change.