Nine Of Swords

A figure sits up in bed with face in hand, appears to have been startled by a nightmare. Behind them is a dark wall of 9 nine swords, the tips out of shot, implying no end and their duvet are a covered in full-bloomed roses. 

Negative thoughts consume you and are keeping you up at night, you are stressed, anxious and obsessing over whatever isn’t going well. Do not feed into this loop of associating with the fears and letting them rule your life, negativity feeds and thrives off of this. The more you obsess the more it appears. 

The fear you feel is not indicative of your reality, the turmoil this is creating has left you feeling overwhelmed, do not let this affect your spiritual practices. The duvet is your reality, abundance beauty.

I accept the oneness of all life and I know I am one with others on this journey.
I support them and let them support me. I am brave and not afraid to ask for assistance. 

I allow myself to empathise and sympathise with others and choose to see the love in all around me. 

I accept others for who they are. I bring harmony by finding common grounds with others. 

Crystal - Hematite. Clears stress, anxiety and worry. It neutralises negative energy in the root chakra and aligns all seven chakras.

Listen to Mike Posner - Keep Going. 

Some body My body

My thighs have always kissed and my belly entered rooms before I did, I heard all sorts of comments about my weight. In my head, I looked like Fat Albert but every time I have looked back at pictures I think damn, I wasn’t half as bad as I imagined, then I would remember that I look like FAT Albert currently and that was an image from the past and the cycle would continue, it didn’t help every time I heard comments it confirmed this image. I had a love hate relationship with my body and the gym. I joined new gyms every 3 months and tried diets just as regularly.

Body image is the emotional attitudes, beliefs and perceptions of our bodies, what we believe about our appearance, how we feel about our bodies. Our negative or positive body image is informed by a large number of factors, from early childhood, our peers and the media each feeding into the other. Research has shown that people with poor body image are sometimes drawn to those who see them as they see themselves - negatively. Poor body image is linked with feeling less deserving of happiness, which can lead people to tolerate poor treatment from others.

We must begin to love our bodies as they, this is a radical act of self-love.

Self-love is loving yourself fully, flaws and all this looks like being honest with ourselves about who we are, what we want and what our strengths and weaknesses are and what we need to do in order to get where we want to be. It is the way we treat ourselves, the thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves, the effort we are willing to put into us, how we talk about ourselves. 

It is having a positive view of ourselves and knowing that even on the not so great days, there is a love that underlies it all. When we get angry, or disappointed in ourselves, we can forgive ourselves and make decisions that support our wellbeing. 

There are numerous practical things we can do to improve our body image, as it is subject fluctuation these and many other things must be done continuously. 

Unlike exercise for weightless mindful exercise doesn’t rely on punishment, competition or weight. Its a more pleasurable exercise that should remind us of how amazing our bodies are. These bodies can be strong tough and enduring also soft, tender and flexible. For some people, this might look like running, going to the gym or cycling. For others it might be yoga, dancing around your room or a mindful walk to and from the park.

Notice new things to be grateful for each day and journal that, this can be something as non-complex as having a shower, listening to a song you haven’t heard in years or completing a job application, nothing is too small or too insignificant if it made your heart smile write it. 

Set boundaries and establish a firm sense of right and wrong regarding your personal space. Use verbal, written or nonverbal prompts, non-verbal can be taking a couple of steps back if you feel someone has overstepped a personal boundary you have set for yourself. Write down how you feel in certain situations such as if someone feels too demanding of your time can help you in finding the right words to express your concerns. 

Your body deserves all your love, at every size. You deserve flowers and things that make you smile even as your belly rolls and fat jiggles when you run. You deserve stars in your eyes and butterflies in your belly, the cornucopia that houses you is enough and beautiful as it because no one else looks like or even is you. Flaunt it all baby flaunt it all!!

P.s If loving your body is difficult, at least respect it. It has done and continues to do amazing things daily. 

The High Priestess

The High Priestess sits between two pillars of duality. Dark and light, masculine and feminine, negative and positive. Pillars of establishment and strength. 

 She sits before a pomegranate clad veil, a symbol heavy in feminine connotations of abundance, fertility, luxury and passion. On her lap is a laptop and access to a vast amount of knowledge. By her foot lie a crescent moon, she trusts her instincts and has control of her emotions. 

Divine femininity is encompassed within the high priestess, the esoteric knowledge she holds roots her firmly in Spirit and God. She is aware that God is always working even when it might not appear to be so all is not as it seems. She embraces knowledge and is aware of its power and influence. 

She embraces change and sits between duality, is open to the insight of the past and the future/beginning and end. She is at her most powerful in the present. She accepts that in the pursuit of romance, not all is seen appropriately, her patience and passivity must apply in this area too. 

When we are open and honest to ourselves and others, what is hidden comes to the surfaces and gives way for inspiration from the most high to come through. The information you hold holds weight, substance and value, choose what, when and how to disclose anything about you. The world’s secrets are waiting to be discovered, taking the non-obvious way will lead you there.

 

I allow myself to be open to giving and receiving love without fear of rejection. 

 I give without expecting acknowledgement or recognition in return.

 I love myself the way I am, not the way I was or the way I could be I extend this love to others. 

 I teach others how to love and respect me by how I love and respect myself. 

Crystal Moonstone - A reminder of all the things we think we have forgotten. 

Stability and a reminder that darkness turns into light. Intuition and emotion regulator. 

Listen to Millie Jackson - It Hurts too Good. 

Strength

A figure clad in white, adorned in flowers and an infinity crown, stands by a lion - also in flowers - stroking it tenderly, neither are standoffish nor confrontational and are looking forward confidently in harmony.  

At first glance, the number 8 is about the material and tangible finite pursuits of success. Mystery, infinity reside in 8, the richness in life, nature our abilities and possibilities embodied within this. 8 is a can-do attitude that is willing to go through the struggle to get to the prosperity on the other side. The more you give the more you receive, this is a continuous and balanced look of stability, control and gratitude. You know who you are, what you are capable of and how to go after what it is your heart desires, this attitude can give you tunnel vision, do not let that blind you into thinking you are an island. 

Abundance is everywhere, in everything and reclaiming your power is your God-given gift. You have the capabilities of taming that which may frighten you. Love and tenderness are more effective than force or coercion. 

  

Your rawness is not something that you should fear, you are made of infinity from infinity. 

I know what my needs are and I actively pursue them knowing God guides and provides

I use my imagination, vision to initiate what I wish for. 

I am not a victim, I do not await a rescuer, I am strong and capable. 

Listen to Janet Jackson - The Velvet Rope.

Crystal - Blue/ Red Chalcedony - Maintaining balance, stability and reflection. Strength and power. 

Never Get Used To

I knew people died. Death was not just abstract and distant. I had lost loved ones and I saw my loved ones lose their loved ones. People existed until they no longer did and that was the end of it for me. 

We had taken our guide to the local clinic, he had fallen ill during our hoeing session in the village. We parked in the cover of shade under the hot sun, adjacent to the clinic building. He went in. A Muhanga prison Toyota Cruiser slowly pulled into the complex, a cloud of tension followed them. A lone prisoner in the back of the vehicle, our driver explained that sick prisoners were sometimes brought to the clinic as it was the closet. The Toyota parked with its back facing us, a stone throw away. 

In the back of the cruiser with the prisoner was a grey and blue striped prison blanket. Under that lie a deceased prisoner, that was the first time that I saw death and had to be so close to it in physical proximity. I was too terrified to look away, I watched a fly land on the blanket, I held my breath and envisaged a gust of wind revealing what was underneath and the fear burrowed its way into me. The fly flew into our van.

Whenever I closed my eyes I saw the blanket, the fear-induced insomnia forced me to face the reality of dead bodies. I wanted to face this thing head-on until I no longer feared inanimate bodies. 

Riding the wave of grief in this body has been interesting. We are spiritual beings having a physical experience, we have souls and our bodies return to the soil. The first years were the hardest, I couldn’t shake the loss and became obsessed with what was lost. As the intensity lessened I learnt that the trick was not to resist the wave, to ride it fully and let it pass. It always passes.

The loneliness consumed me as a you shaped hole seemed to grow wider, I spent my whole life loving and adoring you only for you to be snatched away so brutally. Then all the conversations about death started to make sense, I thought I would never feel the warmth of your love again. A hot water bottle found its way to me and I realised just how cold my world had become. Now I don’t even have it anymore. My world warmed up considerably. 

After feeling meh for so long I am starting to feel good, deeply good.  I am starting to deeply I see you in my dreams, I hear you in music and recently I found you in my emails. I feel closer to you than I did in the beginning, I see you in my words.
I am not fixated on you or nothing, it is not on some sixth sense 'I see dead people' wave, I feel your vibe, still.

I sometimes feel that moment and those days are hard but I also feel just how much you love me, ergo how much love I am capable of housing, how much love is readily available and the total summation of all the love that has housed me. The older I get the more sense you make. 

Energy never dies.

You are a phenomenal father and a brilliant man, to be yours and have been loved by me is like fertiliser to a plant. Thank you for your guidance and patience.