Seven of Pentacles

The figure in the cards stands back to admire their pentacles, on their face a look of tiredness, with a hint of satisfaction - at the fruits produced by their labour - tool on their hip in a stance of someone who is no longer going back to work.

Believe wholeheartedly in the magic you embody and the work that comes from you, especially on days when you might doubt yourself. This is a marathon, you are in it for the long run, do not let any slow momentum fool you into thinking there is no action. 

Find a balance between work and enjoying the fruits of your labour. Rest is part of the journey of growth, a lack of sleep can lead to among other things poor concentration and reduced productivity, and fatigue which can affect both physical and mental health. 

I feel love flowing through me. I honour this and know God flows through all. 

I am calm in knowing that I am one with all and meditate on this fact. 

I regularly remind myself that we are all on a journey as spiritual beings experiencing this physical existence. 

I have a choice to how I respond to what is happening in my life.
My responses have an enormous effect on my spiritual, mental emotional and physical wellbeing. 

Amethyst -  calmness, balance, and peace. People also use it to eliminate impatience. 

Listen to Curtis Harding - Face Your Fear.

Nothing Else But Now

COVID made a shit situation worse. In a sense it didn't change much, the job market was shambles even before miss Rona hit, I just had to keep doing what was in my control.

Naturally, I am a doer. I like doing, not doing irritates me. I would have not quit my job if I had imagined how long I have been out of work. The worst-case scenario time stamp came and went, all I could do was forcibly blow air out of my nose in amusement. 

I do not regret leaving at all. 

I quickly discovered that the day is both long and short while you are at home. You either shower or not, you contemplate breakfast each morning and settle on a hot drink, you always do the dishes though. The earlier you get at it the better. Apparently. The first email of the day pings through.

‘Dear Applicant, thank you for showing an interest in the work of and for taking the time to complete your job application...
Unfortunately, you have not been successful on this occasion’ Why don't they ever just get to the point when they are rejecting you, I wonder if the successful applicants get a shorter email more concise and to the point email. At least they urged me to follow their socials. 
Anyway, you don't even remember applying for this one. You rework your CV countless time to see if it changes anything. Never does because the week is littered with emails like this and Dominos Pizza Marketing. 

I learnt how much weight is tied to what it is you do, introductions always begin with name exchanges and an announcement of one’s job titles, ooohs and aaahs ringing out when one had a role of influence.

I questioned my value and worth all because algorithms wouldn’t let me jump the first hurdle. We are taught that taking time off for self-care is selfish and self-indulgent. The idea of admitting to myself that I needed a break made me feel incompetent, people worked 'real jobs' and I wanted to a break, a holiday, from not working. It felt cheeky. My body screamed 'KEEP GOING, JUST A LITTLE FURTHER', my fatigued heart whispered 'on your own mate'. Once I was able to understand and vocalise to myself what was happening I took time off, I was fortunate enough to be in a situation where that was even possible and for that I am grateful.

I refuse to reduce my life experience to what it is I do, and open myself up to the vastness of being in the present, the here and now. 

During this time I embraced silence, meditated and began seeing myself. I saw parts of me I never knew existed and committed to loving each side, no matter how terrifying. Especially the terrifying ones. I learnt to look at them with no judgement and an open heart. I found a deep profound love rooted in something ancient, something wise and familiar. 

I Christopher Columbus'd an oasis in the park and would spend hours there listening to the stream, the birds, the whistling leaves, for variety I would go to the open park listen to the joy of the kids who hadn’t seen the outside world for 3 Months and friends finally getting a chance to share a cold cider. I felt so alive in those moments. 

The experience of being present in each of those moments without the urge to do, judge or describe allowed me to feel the flow of love through me. It lubricated my joints and alleviated the weight on my shoulder. The grey-tinted glasses replaced by clear vision. 

Through rest, I am taking the time to dream big, to redefine myself for me, by creating the life I want the way I want it. I am grateful for the tools and the confidence to choose me and pursue my wildest dreams. 

Navigating the world with a rested mind has allowed me to trust my intuition more as I commit more time to meditation and being.

Next time someone asks me what I do I will say, artist. 

Five of Wands

Conflict like change is inevitable, we have unique experiences which inform our perspectives and occasionally we will butt heads with those around us. In supportive safe spaces, conflict can be used as an opportunity to learn and understand a little bit more about ourselves and those we are in conflict with. It is a chance to challenge what we think we know.

Chiastolite - Balance and Harmony 

I know there is power in silence, I sit still in meditation regularly.
During parts of my day, I seek out stillness. 

In that silence, I am open to receive without asking and without exception.

Rest tranquillity and peace rejuvenate my spirit.

Listen to Amy Winehouse - Tears Dry On Their Own

Page of Cups

Look at everything as an opportunity to grow, be open because inspiration isn't always in grandest of minutiae, sometimes it lay in the smallest finest print. Slow down, do not overlook things. Trust your intuition. 
Make self-love and self-care such a priority that you start to date yourself.  Because like Loreal, bitch you are worth it, every bit of it, the fresh fruit the excessive water, the long runs, hard workouts ALL OF IT. 

Tiger's Eye - Perspective Change. 

I am learning, and I am growing.
I am filled with humility. I am enough as I am.
 I let go, and trust.
I am filled with courage.
I am disciplined

 I am balanced. I know when to act, and I know when to wait.

Listen to Nana Rogues, Ms Banks - Issues

The Magician

As above so below. You are a conduit that turns energy into matter, you are in control of the four suites. Everything you need to bring forth your dreams and goals you have in your possession, you have more control and power over your life than you might think. Once you change your perception your universe starts to change too. 

Clear Quartz - Clarity and Amplification

I am resourceful

I put in the effort

I take responsibility as I move forward.

The sweetness of life flows through me and I radiate its joy.

Listen to Name it Claim it - Clark Sisters

The Sun

Everything is in full bloom. You weathered the winter, bask in the warmth, love and light your are surrounded by. Embrace all of life, each season has its purpose, dance a little looser free, karaoke badly to Whitney Houston, smell the flowers, text your best friend about a new Jay Z fascination phase. As the fog lifts the sun makes everything clear. 

Blue Kyanite - High Vibrational 

I set clear boundaries for my own behaviour
I cultivate strong will by being true to myself.

I use my willpower to accomplish my daily tasks, spiritual goals and encourage uplifting thoughts in myself. 

My will is strong and my mind is clear. 

Listen to Sally I Can See You - Kimbra

Something kinda oh

I look back fondly to the younger versions of me, each one, at every point growth. I look back at her ignorance and innocence, the misplaced glimmer of hope, the good intentions behind some of her actions.

It is because of her I am where I am,  as I read her words I see someone who knew she was looking for something, she didn’t know what it was but was certain she would know it if she found it. Empty, yet unsure what the right fuel was or if it existed. None of it made it sense but everyone did it so she just had to keep pushing, the insanity of it all. 

I applaud her for laying the foundation on which I build myself, I thank her for asking the questions, not always to the right people, I see now they in their own rights were the right people I needed to learn from. 

Smile and laughter rooted in my belly because she dared to plant a seed. I am glad the occasional watering turned into a thing. 

Her discovery of the beauty in imperfection sparked the spark that sparked the spark that birthed me. Her attempts at trying to articulate the distrust of ‘things’ and inability to stop once she had an idea in her mind.
Even though consistency wasn’t always a concept for our brave heroine, all her energy spent on ensuring the facade would not slip.
I am glad she never stopped. 

Each lesson, each year bringing us closer and closer. I am proud to be a sum of such an awesome person. I fall in love each day with this person who bravely sought to find her truth, it is not easy, it is really really not easy, her perseverance led to light. 

I am proud of who I was yesterday. I am in love with who I am today. I am creating who I will be tomorrow. It’s a journey, one that I am glad I took. I acknowledge my awesomeness often and loudly enough for my descendants to hear me. I bask in the awesomeness and sweetness of a flower so rare unique, often purposely misunderstood but always beautiful. 

Another filler post. What matters is it’s sincere and I posted as per the previously agreed upon time. I must remember that the words that are the hardest to formulate are the sentences that must be said. I must remember that words are a tool, like all tools, must be handled with care. 

PS maybe I should use Grammarly more often.  

The Lovers

The more you understand yourself the more in love you fall with yourself, you are discovering that the world is yours and claiming your stake. You are in harmony with yourself and consciously creating relationships that add value and peace. 

Spend time around those that love you and see you in your fullness if you are going through it. You are attracting good fortune, take a well-calculated risk. 

Rose Quartz - Unconditional Love 

I give myself permission to enjoy all of the good things in life.
I embrace fun and joy in my life. 

I allow myself to experience and receive more pleasure in my life

I am receptive to activities and events that come my way. 

Listen to D'Angelo and The Vanguard - Really Love

Four of Wands

Your hard work and dedication is paying off, now is the time for you to step back and admire in pride and love whatever it is you have been working on. Celebrate the completion or progress of your project. Rest and pamper yourself you deserve it after all the work you have put in. 

 Green Aventurine - Opportunity

I have compassion for myself and those around me. I let go of

resentment from the past, and do not give my power away to those involved.
I forgive all my could haves and should-haves.

I practise listening, sharing, understanding and being of service. 

Listen to Brian Culbertson - The Journey

Three of Wands

You are a creator. You have the ability to create what your heart desires, your move from survival and trust in your intuition has revealed the fire energy you have. Unlike the birds and bees, you can harness your individuality and personal power to bring forth new realities.

Your support system has been established, you have the skills and toolkit necessary for the creative task at hand. The hard work is never in vain. 

Sunstone - Passion Excitement and Creativity. 

I am responsible for my own happiness and do not sacrifice it by rescuing and enabling others.

I choose not to be a martyr. I am not a rescuer 

I am do not assume others want my opinions or solutions to their life challenges

I take responsibility for my own happiness. 

Listen to Sampha the Great - Energy.

Queen Of Swords

You are not drawn to the glitter because you know all that glitters isn’t gold, truth is what you seek. 

Your intelligence and highly perceptive nature means you are able see things for what they are, you are comfortable with the contradictions in life and know that two seemingly contradictory facts can coexist. 

You clearly communicate your boundaries and call out those that choose to disregard these. You are not brutal with your honesty and take great care, compassion when you speak. Till fuckers wanna come wrong. 

You are fair and do not let emotions rule you. 

Sodalite - Communication 

I communicate openly and honestly to express my thoughts and feelings clearly.
I share my truth freely with integrity and without fear.
I aim to understand others and others.

I create space in my conversations for others to communicate with me. 

I enquire about other’s thought and feelings as listening to their truth can be uplifting

Listen to Talk To Me - Jill Scott.