Chosen Lifestyle

Sometimes I think of how much easier my life would be if I was a straight. I imagine how coming out about my boyfriend would have brought joy and the idea of kitchen parties and weddings to my family. I think of how proud my mum would have been at the prospect of me being a wife and eventually a mother. 

I imagine how she would be able to hold her head up and high as she spoke of her daughter who gave her a grandchild I imagine the joy of receiving something she didn't even know she was missing would bring her. 

I imagine her heart warming smile when she comes to visit and finds my husband washing the dishes. I imagine going to her for advice about my household, my husband and the baby. I imagine her placing pictures of my wedding in the living room.

It's kinda sad actually, because no one in their right mind would choose this isolation, no one would choose this constant rejection or perpetual fear of rejection. No one would choose being seen as a joke and a fetish as a life style choice. No one would choose church leaders condemnation. No one would choose this isolation.

I would choose the laughter,I would choose the joy, I would choose the love each time. 

This time I choose me.