Bonhomie

   'Frank and simple good-heartedness; a good natured manner; friendliness, geniality'

P.s By far the best male model I have worked with.

-Mal
'5k to couch'

Claus Consumerism and Culture

First things first...Merry Christmas and all that fuzzy jazz.

Once upon a time the image that christmas conjured in my mind was; a cold December day, the whole family round for dinner, food, drinks, laughs, smiles and love. The older I get the reality of what christmas is, is becoming obvious and obviously exhausting. While working in retail I was exposed to christmas from September; even before halloween merchandise was being sold we had the christmas offers out and about around the shop.

Although I still have a fond feeling towards christmas every year, that fondness is slowly replaced by a loathing of this time of year. The christmas spirit as I grew up knowing has been replaced by the spirit of materialism, because think of it this way, when you encourage the notion of santa claus, you encourage gifts. Santa claus has become the epitome of consumerism, Christmas is known as a time of socially accepted over indulging and you can only successfully over indulge if you are prepared to pay for it. 

So we all know that santa isn't real, if you didn't, spoiler alert and welcome to the real world. But the notion of santa is one that encourages social conformity amongst young believers, if you are told, santa gives good kids presents and naughty kids coal, you sure as well won't be a little shit; because apparently no one wants coal for christmas, unless you a smoker. When kids grow up expecting presents from santa mummy and daddy have to pull all stops to make sure santa delivers, because believing in santa is the essence of innocent childhood. However the day your kids realise that from the 26th of December to the December 31 they have free reign, they can be the littlest shits and get away with it because Santa can't do shit.

What has happened is that commercialism thanks to capitalism has taken Christmas a once religious holiday and turned it into a highly profitable shopping season. Although I am a bit sceptical about it actually being Jesus' birthday, it is still quite symbolical and for marketers to bastardise it is just evidence that the free market will turn just about everything into junk.

To end on a happy note, this year's christmas day maybe me realise just how important family and some friends really are *Violin plays in the background to make this sound deeper*

P.s I still had a christmas list, I will continue to have christmas lists coz I still want christmas shit, BUT I recognise the system behind the season of giving.

-Mal

'5k to Couch'

Curse of the EX

'My ex and I' 'Me and my ex' 'My ex used to' 'my ex my ex my ex my ex ex ex x x x'

I first came into conscious awareness of 'My Ex' a few years ago, it started off as a seemingly innocent mention of this entity; it related to the topic. Then as the conversation went on 'My Ex' seemed to have taken over the whole phone call, as I rolled my eyes I was told of how 'MY Ex' did things, it made me wonder just how often people mention 'My Ex' and if it was a conscious decision; and why they went out of their way to distance themselves from the actual person. I had heard my friends talk of 'my ex' I had heard people on the bus, people at uni, everyone seemed to have a 'My Ex' story they had to tell.

So while in a foreign city myself the effects of 'My Ex' came into full force when I couldn't have my favourite ice cream because 'My Ex" frequented the ice cream bar the ice cream I wanted was sold in. Pissed and still hungry I settled for McDonald's, after all I didn't want 'My Ex' to get the wrong idea; we were friends and apparently 'My Ex' was irrational wouldn't understand two people couldn't just be friends. AND it was a big ass city its not like 'My Ex' lived in the ice cream bar. This was the defining moment for my hate, how can this heffa stand in the way of my ice cream, for some idiot I wasn't even seeing. (Sorry idiot but you were probably; still are an idiot).

It was at this point I had realised, I couldn't be friends with someone who had the curse of the ex. Till I realised EVERYBODY and their Garddamn mamma had 'My Ex'

The point of this is that you lot need to stop talking about 'My Ex', say their name it might just make you all tad more interesting. One guy has a whole blog dedicated to his world 'My Ex'. I know that everyone moves on at different paces but even from friends that shit is shit to listen to. This forced distance created between you and your ex makes it appear as though you wish for your ex to be still in your life, not that there is anything wrong with it, but you sound like the people on Facebook that Facebook everything their kids do. Sometimes just enjoy the moments you had shared and don't objectify this person whose company you clearly enjoyed or loathed, and turn them into some autonomous figure. And don't let them become a curse, taking centre stage of your identity and your stories.

P.S- Sometimes its okay to talk about 'My ex' Just please don't be excessive with it, it makes everyone wonder what went wrong and if it was because of 'My Ex'.
-Mal
'5k to Couch'

insomnia

The quiet of night is when they rear their ugly heads,
Their whispers seem to be louder more boisterous,

Their eyes burn into me,

They become actors and re-enact all my nightmares, vivid HD 

I am glued to the front roll, I can't stop watching

They won't let me stop watching

I wake up 

Look around still in my room, still in my bed, 

Like a concerned parent they stay up with me comfort me 

Get me comfortable again,

Then the movie starts up again this time they make it darker,

more sinister, 

This time I say a prayer, the only difference is I don't remember the dream 

I simply remember the emotion, left on me like the stench of an old lover,

Clinging onto me.

Once confined to nightmares,

Then night time

Then they could no longer be confined.

-Mal
'5k to Couch'

Are you a Friend; and for how long?

Noz you the OG.

My mum has a VERY VERY tight circle of friends that have successfully transcended the friend zone. So these people have known each other for 25+ years.

Fast forward to 25 years later. These women are still very much in each other's lives and its awesome. I will try and articulate what I am trying to say as simply as I possibly can...but essentially what I am trying to say is that I don't think friendships of now have the staying power of relationships of then. Call me a sceptic but I will hopefully breakdown why I think friendships of now don't have staying power, I will use fictitious hypothetical examples to try and drive my points. I might at the end of this just change my mind completely in regards to the lasting power of friendships of today. And on that note I must continue. I am gonna do this in stages coz otherwise it will turn in to a book on the dynamic and economic structures of friendships.

LoyaltyJust to illustrate how important loyalty is,  DJ Khaled handsomely rewards the woman I am going to assume is his significant other in the 'Hold you down' music video. He gives her enough money to

'Go buy your momma a house.

Go buy your whole family houses.

Put this money in your savings account.

Go spend some money for no reason.

Come back and ask for more'.

All this is because she is apparently smart loyal and grateful, I am not trying to say a DJ Khaled type figure will reward you each time you tick the smart loyal and grateful boxes of friendship, but I think this is a great visual and lyrical metaphor on the rewards of being loyal in friendship. I am going to argue that you can't have relationship like the one implied between Khaled and his lady friend without being friends first, I also appreciate that the relationship looks like a sugar daddy and his sugar baby but that isn't what I am taking about.
Khaled rewards this girl because there is a lack of loyalty in the way people function; so to display something as simple as loyalty you do become rewarded not always monetary. People form social bonds with people they think can provide them a social ladder, sometimes to climb up that ladder it requires you to display disloyal behaviour to people you may have once called your friends.

Some may argue that that is not necessary the case, but this is the rule and not the exception
Say you have two groups of friends there is U and group one who have been with you for a while, especially when compared to group two. At one point or the other, U will want group one and group two to meet and for a while things will go smoothly but will not progress and we all know that progression is necessary or death occurs.
Bear with me a second. In the beginning there will be equal balance between U, group one and group two. (Equilibrium)
Then an event will occur to shake things up...Everyone involved will be fully aware of this disturbance.
Then all groups will try and come an understanding and attempt to fix this disturbance.

Then finally a solution.

This solution will not result in the equilibrium that was initially established  and this is how progression of relationships work. Can I just say that this has made me realise that friendships and relationships are not linear its all a vicious circle. BUT I DIGRESS AWESOMELY!

-Mal
'5k to Couch'
Ps-This is me trying to understand the dynamic of friendships. Also friendships are pretty predictable, not timely but by the actions and reactions of people in friendship groups.

Tip Toeing into cyberspace

Honestly this is like my 15th blog, not because I am not an interesting person, or whatnot (Trust me I am freaking interesting its insane), but because I am a perfectionist, I desire perfection so much so that if there is one single signal that what I want to create does not look nor feel the way I imagined it my desire to create it dissolves into thin air...like a fart. '

SO what is different this time' she asks herself. I came across Wabi Sabi, its not like you want to say wasabi so don't even bother.

Wabi Sabi is a Japanese aesthetic that finds beauty in imperfection. It revers authenticity over everything else and in our western or western influenced communities and or societies, that is not something that is necessary admired, everything must be clean cut must be perfect, we have 'GOALS' that everyone has to hit. This has created a world that to me feels very constructed and insincere, every moment is created to be showcased.

But now with Wabi Sabi in my life, I don't want to be a part of the cogs of society, well I still have to be a cog in the employment sector but that is not the point. My understanding of Wabi Sabi is that there is beauty in imperfection (Lizards are adorable, those ugly looking dogs are so ugly they look cute you know them pug things?, the way the sun attempts to shine through the heavy dank December cloud all these and many more not immediately aesthetically pleasing things are what make life worth living, without them we wouldn't appreciate the aesthetically pleasing beauty around us.

Wabi Sabi is my attempt to escape the commercialisation of everyday life, it doesn't require me to buy anything new it doesn't require me to have the newest and the best, but rather appreciating the character of what I have already, both mentally and otherwise (I am not applying this to EVERYTHING so if you see me with new shit nod and move on). Since discovering Wabi Sabi I have to come to see just how conditioned we are to buy and to look at what the next person has and to try and over do them, its a subconscious thing so don't say not me you liar.

THIS wasn't meant to be Wabi Sabi 101.

The purpose of blog numero 15 is to leave a digital footprint, a digital legacy and plus if reincarnation is real Gersh Grooves might just stumble upon this and be like YO! PLUS I have always wanted to digitise my diary so why not put it on a public platform? Plus Imale in like 5 months needs to know what kind of delusions Imale of now has.

 -Mal
 P.s Proofreading is Long. And its like 3oclock and WABI SABI to all my errors

 '5k to Couch'